Jilly Brandon

Andonce again it seems calm and placid on this this beautiful and quiet, Evergreen Lake…but the thunderclouds are rolling in..the wind and storm are on its way…the perceived calm, is but an illusion to the not so proficient boaters.  To quote Micheal W.Smith..”Can you hear the rolling thunder?”  Excellent tune called “Sky spills over.”  Definitely check it out..I’ve been enjoying that profusely the last few mornings, and loving the way the early morning light just caresses the “Flatirons”, and illuminates the larger Rockies shadowing them…just saying jaw dropping seems insufficient…breathing deep the summer morning cool air..filling my lungs and my eyes with the incredible splendor of our creation…

Last week I decided in the mid afternoon that it was time to take Bianca out for her daily walk…to say she enjoys the outdoors is a gross understatement!  I hide her wheelchair outside her bedroom door..(wait..what kind of mother am I who hides the only form of mobility from her handicapped daughter?…. A rather mean one I would gather.). And moving on now…I bring her wheelchair in and ask her..”do you want to go outside?”  She lifts that beloved little head up, grins broadly, giggles in the most endearing way, then lets her head fall back onto her pillow..I roll closer, and get ready for the “mighty transfer.”  It’s not really “mighty” but these are the little games I play with myself to feel more important than I am.  I get her adjusted, and properly strapped in, breathe a huge sigh…then it happens…a seizure comes upon her…her little arms claw the air..her jaw shakes, her eyes roll…she breathes in erratically..and for  the gazillioneth time..I fight to hold it all together…it lasts but maybe 15-20 seconds, but the devastation lasts a lifetime…it’s just a joy stealer, a “fun sucker,”( to quote my dear friend Jeri,) and I think…”crap”…ok so possibly I did utter some other less classy 4 letter words….but …really I think..again..now??  They make me so infuriatingly mad..I want to scream and scream until my throat is raw…STOP IT NOW!…it surely is enough…my tears of frustration come, as they usually do, and I cry out, and at last..bless her amazing little heart..she smiles up at me…How can this be?  Where did this sweet little angel come from that she is so much better equipped to deal with these things, and move on to better joy so quickly than I?  Incredible..and I I’m humbled yet again at her stamina..her drive..her courage….sweet girl… I decide “I ain’t gonna let no stinking seizure ruin our walk,” so out the door we go.. I put her on the elevator, open the garage, look out to the sky..and of course it is dark, and small drops of rain stain the cement..well, we could decide to go back inside, but then I catch a scent of warm summer rain, and I think, nope..we are going in.. It’s amazing sometimes when you stop and think how often obstacles rise  up in your way, perhaps some you acknowledge, and some, really do stop you in your tracks, that we can either let things beat us, or just say NO!..I’m going anyways.  I have found that each time I take a stand..I push through that which Is trying  to take me down, I gain strength..it may seem little, insignificant even, but what I’ve found is that the ” little things” really are the “big things.”  If we can see this at the time, and be aware….of what “conquerers we are..”  We have the power, we must decide to wield it.   Bianca was so excited to be outdoors..she would live outdoors, and I would let her, but I think the neighbors would talk..ya think?  I’d probably make the news..newsflash at 10…”negligent Mother is charged leaving her 17 year old handicap daughter out in the rain and thunderstorm.”  When asked why she did this?… The bewildered Mother said..”well she liked it of course”. See how I amuse myself with my own antics..?  I pushed her out into the cool raindrops and her response was the best..she squealed…laughed…kick her legs wildly,(this thing she only does when she’s really happy,) I ran about, because why wouldn’t I?… Doing donuts, and squealing with glee, and yes people do think I’m certifiable..but I careth not when it comes to bringing my girl joy…. The sky of course was all sorts of grey and black, the clouds threatening, and then..there it came..a quick flash of lightening, and we ran into the garage..a huge clap of thunder came soon after and she laughed and I screamed..whew a close one…  We waited and watched the gathering storm, I breathed deep the smell of it all..one of the best ever in my opinion of the summer  rain, and just watched the glory and splendor of it all……the roaring thunder..power..the dazzling lightning..such utter magnificence…truly much better than fireworks..the fireworks of the heavens…  When the dark clouds rolled away, as they always do, and only the gentle rain remained, we took off again rolling into it…she was so happy..her skin was warm from the heat in the day, but the drops on her skin were so pleasant to her…when I watch her face when she is happy it just makes my world.. I will do anything to bring a smile and enjoyment to my girls face…it makes my joy spill over… As the blue sky started to emerge, white fluffy clouds appearing.. And then..like a beacon, the sunlight shone through, and then yes ladies and gentlemen..a rainbow… Ok now I know that somebody is just plain showing off!… I thought wow..this is just the best..then I thought, I would have missed this had we not pushed past all that was trying to keep us inside, hidden away, ashamed, hurt…depressed.. What an incredible waste that would have been.. I was so filled with pure happiness in that moment, and peace..I was sharing life with her..I was so grateful for that moment…the reminder to keep on, and push forward..that there will be pain, suffering, big, huge, seemingly insurmountable obstacles in our path…but if we quit…man what we will miss…the storms are so powerful..so noisy and threatening, and they throw everything at us, and dare us to keep on….but fight we will, because darkness cannot ever win over the light..the light will always, and I mean always, over shine it…the calm of the summer lake will come again… We can take out our canoe or paddle board, and once again enjoy the ride…but beware, and be watchful..because when the wind  blows up, and the clouds come in…we must decide whether to run indoors and hide under our bed, or are we gonna stand face the darkness…and not only stand in it..but dare I Say..yes I will choose to dance in the rain, to spin my girl in her chair..to free ourselves from the threat of black…to know that the light is there with us, and we will thrive, we will enjoy because the darkness will fade…it always does..and then…behold the glorious light…and what a light it is….⛅️☀️☔️