Jilly Brandon

There are friends you have and friends you keep. It takes effort to maintain friendships.

I envision new friends as tiny seeds that have been planted . This analogy is just so appropriate . If these seeds don’t receive sunlight and water, they will more than likely die , and never see the blue sky above, but shall remain deep within the murky earth, and eventually disintegrate into the soil decomposing and becoming one with their surroundings.

The miracle of the growth and struggle of this seed as it pushes its way reaching towards the light reminds me of birthing a child, as it struggles and strains to be come into the world , tightly coming forward through the birth canal, its’ head and shoulders malleable and soft so that it can fit the contours of the confined tunnel from whence it comes .

Incredibly awesome is this birth process, but what a struggle . So much can go wrong, but also so much can go right . The miracle of birth can never cease to amaze .

We cry when we see that little squeezed, pink and purple little face as it takes its first breath clawing its fingers in the new atmosphere that it finds itself. The baby’s first cry to announce itself into the world, wondering with each squawk how it is to be where it now is , beyond the comfort and security of the Mothers’ embracing womb.

It’s all new, and must be frightening for the babe .

Does the seed share this same experience as it births itself into the green stem that rises from the dirt. Does it cry out as leaves, and seeds are formed , flowers are displayed. Whatever plant it came from, it can’t help but desire to grow, it is its purpose after all . Singular and determined .

It never ceases to amaze me when I see a flower growing out of a rock or a mountain, or how weeds can push their determined stems through concrete and asphalt. How can this even be? What force is in this seed ? A force to be respected.

I tried planting tulip bulbs one time in the fall . Turns out that the bulb needs to point upward towards to atmosphere. It has a direction . I did not know this at the time, and wondered why no tulips ever emerged to see the sky . I picture my tulips that tried to grow underground and ended up in strange spaces wondering where on earth the sun was located . Maybe showing up in a gopher hole, or with a mouse in his house. It was important to look at the bulb, see its shape and realize how it was situated in the soil is a critical thing to know . There is no blooming underground. Light is necessary for flowering, for maturity and for growth .

In the dark months of winter where the sun can remain in hiding within the clouded and dense grey skies, there is a yearning to see the sunshine, and there is no substitute for the orange glowing orb that illuminates and changes the way the dismal landscape can look .

Friendships can change the landscape. Girlfriends are like sunshine that brightens everything and acknowledges that before and without them days can feel bleak, because you are missing them, and they are physically far away.

Getting together in the winter seemed like an out of reach and far fetched idea. Why not wait until summertime when the living is easy, and travel requires less luggage.

Not these friends. They decided to travel from Colorado in January to Montréal to celebrate my birthday with me .

I kept thinking that this occasion was not really going to happen so I did not let myself hope or get excited. I kept thinking of all the things that could go wrong, and the visit would not get to happen.

My friend when I got to hug her, and I explained how I had been feeling questioned me asking,

” that’s not like you . I heard Brene Brown describe that as foreboding joy.”

I digested this phrase of ” foreboding joy.”

I was stunned. I had to agree. That was exactly what I was doing. I was trying to manage and control all of the things that could have happened to cancel the trip, instead of allowing the hope and joy filled expectation to rise up, and the excited anticipation to be able to take hold . What a waste of time . There should never be the word foreboding in front of joy, not ever. These two cannot belong in the same sentence.

Joy stands alone.

Joy and happiness are different entities. Related, but not the same.

Joy defined is ” a feeling of great pleasure or happiness” “the state of well being that allows to experience feelings of intense, long lasting happiness and satisfaction of life.”

If I had to describe joy for myself I would have to say “

“Joy is more than a feeling, or emotion, and it is not dependent on a certain set of circumstances, or persons, it is deeper, from a state of conciousness that is derived from inner contentment . Joy is a state of being, of knowing.”

Happiness is like a roller coaster . At its peak there is nothing better . If you smile and laughter bubbles up from within this is happiness. It is in the moment .

I attempted to learn the curling stance and adopt the position, but as sometimes happens in life I fell flat on my face on the ice . My friend Val likened it to ” Bambi on ice.” There was much laughter, after all falling down is part of what happens but having friends in near proximity to haul your ginormous posterior back to your feet makes the accidental act of falling a little less frightening.

We had a good coach named John who was all business and information . He was serious, which generally brings out frivolity and the subconscious need for fun just to lighten the mood . He educated us about the history of the sport, and how the ice was different to hockey ice . We learning something new, and had a great time doing it . I learned that curling is a great deal more challenging than it looks, and that sweeping can cause you to sweat if you are doing it right . I did not anticipate this .

The wonderfully awesomeness of incredible adventures with friends cannot be underestimated . What it does for the inner workings of the mind heart and body is difficult to measure .

I only know it causes the seed to grow from within . The seed of friendship, of togetherness, of hope.

Encased within the seed is the essence of future hope, and knowing instinctively what has the possibility to be and pushing through the dirt and the muck and the rock and the granite, and never losing the vision of what is possible . Having friends from the past who have made the conscious decision to walk with you during your Spring muck season of your life, can be the friends who will stay for all of your seasons .

Seeds are dreams waiting to emerge, begging to blossom. Needing to be watered .

Water is the necessary ingredient for life . Friends are the same .

Thank you my dear friends for traveling up to Canada to warm up with me in the cold heart of winter . Your presence certainly blessed and heated up my nearly frozen heart and I am forever grateful for your presence in my life .

Laughter abounded, and handstands happened in the hallway of the hotel, but these are the things girls of a certain age tend to do together . Free flowing wine and champagne may have been involved .

Spontaneity is the thing . Enjoy time with friends, it is life enriching and plants your soul continually in a space where new growth is possible .

The inner children from before emerge when you are with your people, and are allowed to once again take center stage with those who fully accept and nurture you for who you are, no judgment, just knowing that you are loved .