This present patience…

The pines are gracefully silhouetted against the early morning sky, and through my window, I hear the beginnings of a brand new day.  Birds with cheery hearts tweet their welcome with a full and lively song, and the cool air breezes gently in, which brings much refreshment.

The stillness out on the lake, mirrors the quiet of the landscape, and with the promise of the new day, there is hope that resonates, and the promise of love, laughter, and joy is felt from deep within.

There was the echo of a morning train far in the distance, and it’s call into the dawn, was like a rooster proudly signaling new beginnings of a day filled with promise, if I can just grab hold, and let the day reveal itself on its own terms…..all could be well.

My Mother was sleeping next door to my room, and I can now hear her quietly, with slipper clad feet slowly moving step by trepidacious quiet, step on the pine  planked floor.

I hear her pause outside my room.. “everything ok Mum?”.. I softly inquire.

” Yes… I’m just trying to find the bathroom,” she states.

” You are almost there.. just turn to your left, towards the light..”

“ Oh yes,” she responds, “ I see it now..”

This begins the morning routine.  This is important.  This is order.  We need this knowing of what comes next, even for just the next five minutes… or… there is kaos…. unrest… and there would be no patience.

She returns to her room, because she is unsure of her path, but says, “ I was unsure where I was, but now when I get into this room…. I remember.”

Her needlepoint creations hang on her bedroom walls, and a poster print from Sitka, Alaska adorn the cozy, fragrant pine walls which surround her.

She seems comforted now.. because she knows.. for now… and that’s enough.. We reminisce about when she, and my Dad bought the pine bedroom furniture over 40 years ago.  There is such clarity remembering the distant past.  It baffles me how such detail can be recalled from long ago, and yet the present details often times confound her..

She chatters away about the details of her room, and takes her morning meds, with her coffee, a banana, and a rice pudding.  Her faithful westie dog, Brody, lays quietly on her bed, all tucked in amongst the blankets.

694AC15E-DD2C-42A0-B5F0-BCBF13777501He is the most loyal of little creatures, and I take my lead from him this morning.  He seems to anticipate her morning routine, and just sits patiently, making “deep eye contact” with my Mother.  His deep black coal like eyes glow with anticipation of her needs, and he waits expectedly to lick the inside of the rice pudding container that she has just polished off.

My Mother seems in very good spirits this morning, which is so encouraging, and I’m grateful.

When she remembers, she feels comforted, and is spurred on, and wants to decorate, and explore, and move furniture, and there is a sense of peace within her spirit.

I offer to turn on the tv for the morning news, and she agrees that she would like that.

For some reason, I need to be reminded that routine, and a sense of daily order is pertinent for life to make sense.

The unexpected, can be really terrifying for some… and adapting to unknown “triggers,” can cause great angst.

Im learning… gradually… and sometimes, or often times, it is from repetition on multiple levels that the lesson becomes imbedded within my brain, and new inroads are made.

These new realizations, and  lessons invigorate , and create vision for how better to love one another.

I pray for patience, and then I laugh at myself for praying about this, because I am impatient in my prayer, which is counterproductive obviously, and I shake my head at my shortcomings.

Yesterday, my Mother swept the dock down, with an old straw broom, and pulled weeds all along the shoreline.  She was in her own space, contentedly seeing a job that was tangible in front of her, and taking on the task with determined fervor.

The old greying dock is slightly damp beneath her feet, and slick under her tennis shoe clad feet.

My brother fishes quietly off the dock, and as he casts his line afar off, it feels like hope… for the future.

The lure sinks deep below the cool lake, and dangles tantalizingly down in the depths, looking to snag a rock bass, or maybe a pike… but there is expectation… and excitement in the unknown.

I went paddling about in my lime green kayak, and it was just the most serene experience… quiet, and rejuvenating.

Apparently it can also be used as a fishing vessel…. and thus far, neither he, nor I have tipped it over… probably just jinxed myself saying that now.

638190C1-FCCF-448F-98CC-5B949A122883There is always sweeping to be done, since rusty colored pine needles, fallen to the forest floor,  seem to be prolific in these northwoods, and they crunch under flip flopped wearing bare feet.

My Mother just really loves to sweep.  I get it.. The sense of accomplishment, of putting to order, and seeing your task completed, this is a very soul satisfying endevour.  Its the simple things… patience.. to see, to wait, and to know, and to let the day take you where it will, with a loose sense of the combined order of it all.

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She will probably have sore tummy muscles later, but that is when the handy dandy heating pad in multiple couch and bed locations is essential. Enjoyment for the present work at hand is so invigorating, and I can see it all over her face… she is happy..

As I enter into the picture, I’m the “ bag it girl” who totes the pine needles and debris and carries it up the road, to dump it into the neighbors’ yard.. I’m so kidding… I dispose of it on our property, but I would love to set it on fire in true Grandpa Hayhoe style… but there is a fire ban on, so I squash the urge to build up a big, pouring on the gas  beforehand, bonfire!

Those of you who are familiar with my Grandpa, know that his bon  fires on the bay were quite legendary….if not down right terrifying..

36C59D17-2ABB-45DF-A99F-F380624EC636Under the debris, I find treasures of old..They are nearly rotting away, but I resisitate them, because we all need to be brought back to life from time to time….

There is a hammock down on the dock, and when I see it, I’m always reminded of the obvious oxymoron of turmoil, and rest.

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I want to lay it all down, I want to rest, but before doing this, I must unwind myself from the inner workings of my turmultuous  mind, and allow the unraveling of the tightly wound rope inside to loosen.. to let the frayed parts heal… lighten up… and release.

When the rope unwinds, it allows the hammock to drop down to a negotiable level of climbing onto, and as soon as you lay down… well… who cares… you just relax… take a nap… and your whole world can rearrange itself….

My Mum is resting now, and feeling content.. this does my heart good….

It is well for thus moment..

We decided to take a car ride into a the town of Port Carling for lunch, and to shop around.  This promises to be an enjoyable experience, and one that will fill the memories coiffures of our minds.

As we were waiting for our lunch at an outdoor cafe set on the deck overlooking the lake, other patrons  began pointing towards the rocks behind us.

There across the parking  lot, wandering with intent purpose was s black bear, with a tan nose getting into the restaurant garbage containers.

This caused lots of excitement, and smiles, and we were all just staring at him with rapt fascination.  Who knew this lunch would come with a show?….

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3 thoughts on “This present patience…

  1. You both are wonderful buy showing patience, love, kindness and dignity to her. She is a loving soal. Always putting her own artistic mark in her surroundings. These marks are so recognizably hers! She puts in alot thought into her endeavours. I havent had the pleasure of getting to know her husband and father figure. I can only see parts of her many traits in her children. I can hardly remember my own grandmother and your mother reminds me of her. I loved doing her garden. It told me of what kind of soal she possessed and who she really is! My parents and grandparents have passed. Cherish her and the time you and your siblings have.

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    1. I appreciate your sentiments regarding my Mother far more than you shall ever know Rita. I remember your artistic handiwork with the gardens, and how much my Mum appreciated all of your hard work and expertise. I recall you having endless energy, and love for your work. I think one or two of your sons, jumped in and enjoyed the pool, a time or two, when the summer days became too swelteringly sticky and hot!
      Thank you for your words and thoughts… 💐🌿🌲🌱🌷🌹🌾

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  2. Good morning Jill.
    Wonderful memories of years gone by welled up as I read your day’s experience with your dear Mom. Charlotte and I were encouraged beyond words by “John and Denise” and “Mr. & Mrs. Hayhoe. Your comment about your Grandfather’s legendary fires triggured a memory. Prior to our family moving to NJ, we were invited to Mrs. Hayhie’s home for Sunday dinner after “meeting “. It was one of those cold days in January where our misty breath lingered in the air as we spoke and the snow squeaked under our feet. Upon arriving, your grandmother welcomed our small tribe into her home where it was warm and cozy and the aroma of her famous dinners caused our noses to remind us of the amazing meal we were about to enjoy. As we entered, your Grandmother looked at me and said “Danny, would you please build me a fire like Harold used to build please?”. So, being a borderline piromanic, I obliged with a fire that rivaled Mr. Hayhoes infernoes. When relaxing after dinner, the sight of your Grandmother staring into the flames is etched indelibly in my mind and she longingly said, “Danny, why did the Lord take Harold and leave me here for so long”.
    There are many more memories of your Mom and Dad and Grandparents that rattle around in this old head that make me love and appreciate your family.
    Thanks for sharing your musings!!

    Danny

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