The Tangled Garden….

The heaviness and humidity in the air hangs like thick  jello pudding, dripping off your skin, sticky, and uncomfortable.

That sensation that comes upon you in the summer time when even the bugs can’t be bothered to fly about, because the air just feels too oppressive.

The only expedient solution would be to dip ones’ self into  the nearest body of water, and let the coolness of the this magical  giving liquid envelop yourself.

A day at the pool is what’s on the agenda. This is what we intend to do today.

There is something quite excellent about waking up early in the morning, with an expectation for your day that involves toes touching the water, swimming and floating, with the only thoughts in your head are when to nap, and when to snack.

Expectation…We like to look forward to things that we enjoy.  It makes us catch our breath with wonder and awe to anticipate an event, or time spent with a friend just doing whatever.

The joyful interaction of kindred spirits on a hot summer day, filled with laughter, discussion, and singing along with an old style radio boom box by the water…… we are going retro baby.

All winter long we plan for a summer day just like this.  It’s what keeps us going through grueling snow storms, and frozen faces, and chilled toes.. we imagine the warmth of the sun, and somehow it incubates our hope, and keeps it alive and glowing like a glorious orange sunset.

A good book, that may or not get wet, and most certainly will have sun tan lotion  trapped within its pages… is what summer reading is all about.

I had a book recommended to me, and I can’t hardly seem to put it down.  It’s a wealth of information, and it’s illuminating areas of my life that are needing attention.  Summer reading feels luxurious.

The glaring flashlight of honest reflection  and awareness can be uncomfortable at first glance, but then upon research, and digestion of the written material, can settle like a well nourished meal in your stomach, satisfying and welcome.  Recognition of self that has been buried, and is allowed new life again, allows  the dreams to reawaken, and pulse once more within.

Peeling back the layers of your existence can feel like the arduous task of taking the skin off an onion, all the while  trying not to cry, as more of yourself is exposed, and fresh strong scented pieces  are opened up, smelling strong, and formidable.

It is mid life… mid onion.

I am now at the age I thought my parents always were.  That alone is a sobering thought .

For  some inexplicable reason, in my mind my parents did not age beyond their 50’s.  This may have been the little cocoon that I allowed my sheltered  little self to reside in.

This was the acceptable age that I wanted  them to be.  This felt safe.   I was content for them to be this age… not in their 80’s… not continuing to grow older so that I would some day be without them…

This quote comes from a comedian that my Dad really enjoyed. (Taken from “Bob,” of the “ Bob Newhart Show.”)

”I’d like to make a motion that we face reality.”

I can hear my Dad laughing as Bob would say something like this in the offhand, quiet witty way that  he had.  It is a warm memory as I recall his eating handfuls of popcorn, while laying in bed at night with my Mum watching “ Bob” on his show.

Memories are in every pore of this house.  I want to hide away here, and scoop up these sensations that keep me feeling secure.

I don’t feel secure right now… It’s hard to see our parents aging…. to know that we will be without them one day.

This garden that once was well kept, nurtured, and well manicured, and tended, but it  is now overgrown.

Our lives move on, and we must face it…

Change is challenging no matter what the age, we don’t like being forced to adjust and morph into the next thing..but adjust we must.

It’s comforting to have seen how my parents looked after their parents, and I’m grateful for their example.  Having siblings to share in these decisions makes it all bearable..


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