Jilly Brandon

“No Way!”I said incredulously…. could this package be getting returned to me again, I thought to myself.  I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, and chuckle outloud at this particular box.

It seems that nowadays we are all buying more and more items online, and I am no different.  I had found a pair of jeans that my little heart desired, but upon receiving them via UPS, had discovered much to my delight, that they were a tad roomy…  I know…I am in shock as well…cuz that doesn’t ever happen.

I packed them up, and used lots of the wide plastic packing tape that I am incredibly fond off, but could not  locate a drop box to fire  these bad boys back to.  While I was up visiting Jackson Hole a weekend or too ago, I drove by such a box, and dumped my package in, with instructions that I wished to have an exchange pair  in a lesser size.  Picture me smiling as I say this…

This seemed like a straight forward enough thing.  However, when I arrived back in  Colorado guess what was waiting for me in my mailbox? At first I was giddy with glee, picturing my new pair fitting like a glove, but alas this was not to be, because when I opened up the box….it was the same jeans…Say what….is this a joke?

At this point I decided to try them on again, because I thought perhaps I could make them work after all.  Well…I decided that they were still feeling not quite right, so I retaped them, and decided to resend them.

I ventured out to another UPS store locally, and off they went again.  Just two days ago, guess what arrived back at my front door?  Seriously same pants, unopened…yes…they are indeed the traveling pants.  Ok folks, I thought, is there some hidden message that I am failing to grasp in this returning of the pants scenario?

I’m pondering this as I’m now wearing the pants while sitting in a cozy cafe after finishing my Thai coconut chicken salad lunch, and gazing out at the Rocky Range of mountains.  The sunshine is glinting off my kombucha bottle, and I’m ultra comfy in my jeans…so I think that the jeans and I were meant to be…ok I get it.  Apparently I’m not such a quick learner…big surprise, or really not so much.

While shopping the other day I happened upon this wooden sign, and thought, yup this pretty much defines how I was feeling,….”hide your crazy and act like a lady.”  Apparently the dingbat that is me, has others that are in our group, since they make signs for us…  This just delighted me, and I now am suffering from “I wish I had bought it” remorse.

There seem to be things in this life that we attempt to give away, send away, or sell to another.  Sometimes these items can show back up in our lives at the strangest times. It was incredibly painful to sell our handicap van, not because it was a thing of beauty, but because we had been through much together.  We had travelled long distances, and she had carried valuable cargo onboard.  She had carried my family, and held us safely cocooned inside, where we had shared fights, tears, and laughter, and lots of listening to “Veggie Tales,” and cartoon watching from her  not so comfortable back  bench seat.

She was loyal and true, and had served us well.  Parting with her really was indeed sweet sorrow.

It is my hope that the little ole van is now with great pride in her, carting about a brand new family that require her dependable services.  Yes, even the van deserves to be retired to a good and loving next family.  To know that something that has served your family well is now boldly going forward to serve another gives me renewed courage for future purging…

 

It is the letting go that scares us…especially when it’s someone that you loved.  How to move on without them in your life.  It’s so complicated, and it feels disloyal.  How do you pack away and give to another those items which clothed, and served your child, husband, wife, grandmother, grandfather, uncle, aunt, nephew, sister, brother, Mother or Father?  How?….. It is brutal, this letting go process, and I for, one, do not like it.  It is raw, and we don’t like raw, we like things cooked and orderly.

 

 

The same can be said for  Bianca’s wheelchair bike.  It is a fantastic contraption, and drives like a fine sports car of sorts.  It is such a smooth ride, and anyone can manouver it.  It is really engineered superbly.

 

 

Just this past week, I put it up for sale.  It has been a wonder bike, and has been on many excursions with family and friends .  It had given our family such a spontaneous sense of freedom, and a sparkle of joy to have been gifted such a unique vehicle.  But….now was the time….There was certainly bound to be another family who would benefit from such a contraption, and would  find this same exuberance in a bicycle as we had.

It is so difficult to part with the “things” that once held our dearly loved ones. Letting something go, and gifting it to another can offer the sweetest refreshment to our hearts.  It seems to be something that is felt deep with us that yearns to hold on, to not part with certain items….but when we do let them go, it is healing, and this comes as a surprise.  Courage can be found when you have faith to let something go, not knowing what will come next, or even if you have done the right thing.

Not knowing what is up ahead can indeed be a good thing.  To just step out, and give it away can truly set the spirit free.

My friend asked me if I wanted to go on a walk yesterday morning.  I quickly and with great enthusiasm wanted to go.  We set out on our walk with loyal boxer in the lead, and before I knew it we were climbing a mountain.

As we began to ascend, there was a dirt trail, with many jagged rocks, and the path in front of me seemed kinda not so straight.  I began to huff and puff, and not blow my house down, but nearly!  I had to stop several times on our upwards climb.  I felt foolish…She didn’t need to stop, but because she was my friend, she did….she even carried my water bottle, because I’m sure THAT was what was holding me back…ha.

She kept coaxing me that it was just a little farther, and because this was her mountain,( well you know what I mean…she was familiar,) I trusted her.

We finally sumitted the mount, and I collapsed upon a nearby flat rock, almost atop a spiky looking angry cactus, and tried to regain a normal breath before venturing to speak.

My friend  instructed me to look down at how far we had come.  We had taken glances at the distancing cows, horses, and mountain bikers as we hiked, but from this vantage point, I was dumbfounded.  There was Denver in the distance, and we were clearly on top.  Our aerial view as we sat beside the jagged dark grey rocks was stunning.  I suppose I would have felt somewhat euphoric, but I was still trying to breathe normally at a higher altitude.

I remarked to her then,  that had she told me we were about to climb a mountain, I probably would have made some excuse as to why my knee had  suddenly become incredibly sore and that I had recently also injured my back as a way of escape this “walk.”

Since though, She  had  just referred to it as a walk, I was not threatened.  Had I realized what was up ahead, and that we would become a tad bit disoriented whilst on the mount, thus making our walk turn into a 3 hour hike, I probably would not have ventured out.

This is the beauty of not knowing what’s up ahead in my opinion.  Would we not so often just plain take ourselves out of the equation if we realized how scary and hopeless situations could be at times?

Lets  just be honest.  The “not knowing” is a rich blessing.  I’m not saying we don’t plan, and hope, and pray for our futures, but then just leaving it in the hands of the God who knows my future, and living each day, and making it count…well it seems to be a good plan.

Its the day before a big election here in the US of A and I have a strong suspicion that there is a gargantuan amount of unrest in this country.  It seems that nobody is excited about the two choices that we have, and both sides seem determined to destroy the other. In all honesty, its a brutal embarrassment to watch how these candidates conduct themselves.

The future…we can’t know…we can postulate, and wager a bet, and fret and worry, but ultimately we must wait and see.  Maybe the renactment of mandatory prayer would be a good notion for today, November the 8th?  Just a thought…..as the road curves in front of us…..and the mountains seem too high on our distant horizon.