Don’t save the fancy dishes…..

imageThe sparkle caught my eye, and the distinctive clink of crystal, as the goblet was placed upon the glass top coffee table.

Exquisite meeting mondane, expensive meeting ordinary, and the practical, and yet beautiful marriage of two glass and transparent entities.

Their contrast perked intrigue in me, of the way such different human beings often  react and interact and relate to each other.

The whys and how’s of attraction or distraction.  How are some individuals inexplicably drawn with a force greater than they know, to one another?

It’s as if there is an invisible, indiscernible ever so thin thread that draws us to one another.  It is fascinating to contemplate.

My college girlfriend and I hung out a few weekends back, and had a wonderful time together, laughing until our cheeks ached, and our sides were screaming at us to stop.  Tears were streaming down her cheeks like Niagara Falls.  I wish one could get six pack abs just by laughing, cuz man, I would have them!

We always reminisce about meeting in the college lecture hall over 31 years ago.  Our eyes were drawn to each other, and eventually we shyly smiled at one another.. Le voila, a friendship was born.

There was a chemistry between us too, and we always remark on how many giggles we have shared, and our experiences together.  We will be forever friends.

I enjoyed a bonding like this years ago with my girlfriend this weekend.  We have known each other longer than 31 years, and have shared in this crazy life together. I’ve carried her sorrows, and she has bourne mine.

She is on her own now, and has a darling townhouse which she has made her own with hammered silver mirrors, glass tops, friendly glass chandeliers, complete with a maniac, half crazed, “ain’t right in the head,” morkie named Bo.

imageWe talked, and laughed, and we played with the quirky pup with a laser pointer that he chased  with nutty abandon.  It’s a sight to see, trust me.

I was remarking about her eclectic dinnerware, and crystal glasses, and then I said something that made me feel quite elderly,” you just use these every day?”

“Why yes,” she quipped, ” what am I saving them for?”  What indeed, I thought.

I had been brought up with “every day dishes,” and then the formal China, with silver tea service and crystal goblets for special family dinners.

But really????  Why not use these every day?  If we truly lived in the moment and revered every single solitary day as a gift, then why not use the extraordinary to meet the ordinary of our daily routines?

What if a dish breaks, or a priceless piece of stemware is shattered?  Will that be the end of life as we know it…Answer…NO… It will not.

Instead of polishing the silver, and dusting the fancy China, let’s use it.  Let’s break with tradition and see every day as a special occasion, and one to throw a party for.  If every day is life, and it’s sacred then let’s treat it as such.

My little girl Bianca taught me many important life lessons, but one of her all time most “Yoda” type lessons is ” pain leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering.”

This quote has stuck with me through the years.  There were many times that watching her in pain, and seeing her suffer made me hate life, and made me hurt to the point that I didn’t want to utter another solitary breath.  Watching your loved one day after day like that can unravel a mind.

She dared me to live each day well.  I could feel it.  She spoke to me just by being her own little self, and challenged me to not only eat off the boneless china, but break the dishes and dance upon them if that’s what the days’ activities called for.

The moral of this story is why wait?  We don’t know what comes next.  Be with your treasured loved ones, because some day they won’t be here to be annoyed at, hurt by, and loved by you.  Some day they will pass on, and leave you with a gaping hole in your heart that you don’t know how to live with.

We are all filled with faults, shortcomings, and we are flawed.  We want what we want.  We want our schedules to be our “set in stone” agenda.  It is potentially so upsetting to us when the apple cart of our lives spills over, and we have to change what we know.

It occurs to me that the “mistakes” or “accidents,” or the changes to our daily rituals can harvest some of the best unexpected events in our lives if we allow it.

Im working on “letting go” of certain things in my life at present.  I won’t expand on that except to say, there is freedom in breaking the dish, even on the open cut that the shards of dish cut into your hand.  It leaves a scar on your hand from the wound you received…no doubt about it.

This is important.  This is a casualty of living life to the fullest.  You will be hurt, your heart will break more times than you think was possible.  You will be forced to fall to your knees, or flat on your face, weeping until your eyes are raw, and your head aches.

This happens when we live, when we dive into others’ misery and we we choose to carry burdens with each other.

It is “the best of times…the worst of times.”

Out to dinner with an extra-special couple this past Friday night, I was again struck with how they live their days.  Hopefully I will not incur their wrath by saying that they are in their “young 80’s” and they use their fancy dishes, and stemware every day.

This couple exemplifies enduring love, laughter, joy, and dedication one for the other.  Being around them just makes you feel good.  They dive into life, and my friend and I remark whenever we are around them, that they are our “gold standard.”

They have fun together, and it overflows to any that are around them.  They have hysterical sense of humors, and the way they adore one another is evident for all to see.

So break out your stemware, fill it with cool -aid and wine, or go “redneck,” cool-aid and wine together, than scoff at what’s right and appropriate, and add ice.  C’ it up.  Life my friends is waiting….so for heavens sake…don’t save the good China!

Time is awasting, and we know there are no guarantees, so if you got em, use em, and if that doesn’t work go to the second hand store and get some.  Drink from the crystal, and if your sorrow spills over, throw the glass against the wall, and let it ‘s contents run down…and hear the crash of the glass, and maybe, just maybe, your heart heart will heal a little by letting go of  what is expected, and allowing yourself to just be.

Not that I’ve done this, or burned chairs, and other miscellaneous items, which shall not be mentioned, but there is a build up of grief that happens, and I wonder if we don’t let these feelings go…we can’t heal…and that is misery.

So many lessons to learn, and the hard ones seem to be the ones that stick, just as the hurt we feel from another  wounding us is difficult to cut from our lives.  I know forgiveness of ourselves, and those that we are hurt by is paramount…but it is another to walk the walk.

4 thoughts on “Don’t save the fancy dishes…..

  1. Love it we use Frans (my mother) very best only Sundays dinner dishes every day we always say Frances would scold us for sure. 😊


  2. Thanks Jill – so nice to read about my Dad , life is tough right now with my hubby in rehab , may not ever come home, 2 kids out of 3 getting divorce and then our dear special needs family with Sloane getting more and more weary! Yea life is short so I totally agree live it to the fullest , use your best, give well and Love God! So nice to see you and Kathy have such a kindred spirit friendship !

    Deb – Don’s third


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