And so it was decided…The morning was cool and clear, with just a slight smattering of clouds, in an otherwise bright blue Colorado sky. The perfect day to head into the mountains for a weekend adventure. It has been uncharacteristically warm these past few days, which I’m sure is confusing the birds , and the Spring flowers. The Canadian geese can’t decide which pond to stay at,and are flying back and forth, and to and fro, from body of water to open field, honking loudly, and obnoxiously all the while. Seriously, I love their sounds,and watching them in their “v” for victory formations, flapping gracefully overhead. When I gaze heavenward and see them, I feel like they peer an eye down towards me, and wonder what the human is up to down on the lowly earth. How marvelous to fly like a bird, and have that unique aerial view on humankind and the earth. It must be so free and fascinating. I definitely hope flying will be happening in heaven, because I cannot wait for that! But if I were to choose, it would definitely be an eagle, because those birds are just breathtakingly fantastic to me, and they are majestic and regal, and lord of the skies.
It is always so humbling to me to revel in the blessings of my friendships with women. I know I have written before on friends, but it truly just staggers me of late to be so surrounded by girls that have my back. I am certainly “blessed beyond measure” and I do not take lightly the many ways that girlfriends have held me when I cried, listened to me while I raged, laughed with me at inappropriate happenings in my life, and generally surrounded me especially with prayer and full and unconditional love. I do recognize that I’m a mess, and for me to know that so many of you are not scared off by my often broken antics is a source of pure JOY to me….Yes…I intended to capitalize that word, because it’s a good word, and needs emphasis!! Now I’m adding extra exclamation points just for an added ompph!….don’t know if that is a word, but I care not, because I’m not a perfect spelling queen, nor did I ever pretend to be..so there.
Visiting with my friend Susan…or Sahni, as she calls herself, is always a fulfilling and delightful experience. She does life well, and she loves fully and with her whole heart. She has been a loyal friend and confidante to me through these years, and she accepts me for who I am, and we often enjoy adventures together. She has been a full time loving caregiver to her dear son, Jacob Neil, and she knocks it out of the ballpark very day in her love and care for her beloved son. Jake adores his Mamma, and Susan has taught him words, and phrases, and she cares diligently, and lovingingly about what makes Jake happy. She offers him JOY fully, and completely on a daily basis. She inspires me, and she makes me proud. One of the most favorite events that she does with her 19 year old son is praying with him at bedtime. She repeats a phrase, then Jake repeats after her, and to see this performed, is breathtakingly beautiful to me. Jake has cerebral palsy, but Jake is so much more than this diagnosis. He is “awesome.” This is a word his Mom uses with him often. He loves country music, especially “King George Strait,” and listens to it on his ear phones, and hums along with great contentment. He also loves the hot tub. He will do anything to get in his hot tub, and when he sits there with his head gently rocking back and forth, he often is giggling, grinning, his head turned slightly upward, and when he is especially pleased will say, in a satisfied purr…”Meow…” I love this when I hear him do this. To see the look of bliss on his face, a person can’t help but smile. This is his happy place….this warm water swirling around him completes him, and he is unashamed in his enjoyment of it.
We took him out with us to do some errands, then ended up at a Chinese Food restaurant for lunch. The food was delicious, of course, and Jacob happily put away quite a large helping of breaded “schicken” as he calls it. He also enjoyed his appetizer egg roll with great fervor. Just being with him makes me happy. Of course Susan, Jake, my daughter Bianca, and I shared many happy outings together in the past. I can’t deny that being with Jacob, both comforts me, and makes me want to cry my heart out with the missing of my girl. Another month has almost passed, and we are in month 5 of her joining her Redeemer, Jesus, in heaven. One of the most wonderful outings was just spent in Susan’s side yard with her two horses, Laredo, and Two Socks. It was last Spring, and we pushed Bianca into the yard, and she giggled happily, as I bounced her through the uneven grass. When Susan brought those horses into the yard to be with her, she let out the most joyful noise. The look of utter rapture on her face at being right beside these two gentle giants was clearly evident. The horses ears were tilted back, and they were a tad unsure as to who this unique little creature was, but they moved ahead slowly towards her, swishing their tales gently as they came forward. It was a magical and perfect moment to me to watch this interchange between girl and horses. I observed them with reverence, and contentment. I know how Susan feels…when Jake is happy..then she is happy. …and the same went for me. When Bianca was joyful, I could breathe, although many times I found myself holding my breath because I couldn’t bear to brake the moment….it was sacred..it was ethereal. It was a moment in time where the miracles happened. Girl and beast were connected, bonded…there was no fear…no sorrow..no tears… Just a oneness, a communing of souls….it was equisite. I got to be a part of that..of that life..that existence…her life… I was so privileged to have been her Mummy, and to know this perfect little daughter of mine, and now she truly is perfected, living with the eternal King of heaven…..complete and filled with JOY in every way.
In the afternoon, after we had filled ourselves on delectable, salty Chinese fare, we returned to Susan’s lovely ” compound,” as she and her husband, Mark call it, and immediately Jake was able to immerse himself back into his most favorite spot…yep you got it..the hot tub. We decided that we needed to christen her chiminea, and I’m always game to burn stuff. The smell of a wood fire has always created such a cozy feeling of home, and comfort, and happy childhood memories, spent up on Lake Joseph, at the cottage, or in my home in Woodbridge. We opened a bottle of wine titled..”WTF.” I’ll give a little shout out to the local winery it comes from. It is bottled by Creekside Cellars, in Evergreen, Colorado. The restaurant is also fabulous, and located right beside the roaring creek. Even though the abbreviation is used widely on the Internet, naming a bottle of wine this, tickled my fancy. It does not mean what you may think it means. It stands for “Wine That’s Fun,” I’m surprised you could take it another way…..Yes.. I have a naughty, irreverent side, as if you didn’t know? An angel, I’m so not! I never pretended otherwise. I’m just a woman who loves Jesus like crazy, and wants to follow him, and talk about him, but I’m a flawed human girl who my Father in heaven loves anyhow. We warmed ourselves by the lovely fire, gazed out at the stars, and an almost full moon peeked its’ head out from behind the gently blowing pines….such a beautiful evening. Earlier, Susan and I had made our way up a slippery slope covered in horse dodo, and ice, and she taught me how to feed and look after her horses. I admit that I am a little jittery about looking after them. They are big 1500 pound boys after all. However I look forward to facing new challenges, and putting old fears to rest. Sometimes it feels like so much of life not yet lived is spent giving in to the fears of “what ifs?” Yes I know the horse could kick me in the head, or flatten me if he fell on me, but I will attempt to not let them smell my fear, whatever that means? Do I use deodorant or not, I can’t decide?
It truly was a day filled with wonder, great girl chats, and the absolute beauty of being in the Rocky Mountains. Susan gave me a delightful cookbook entitled, “Keep Cookin’ Cowgirl.” The following is a quote which I think epitomizes my friend to a tee…
“My horse’s feet are as swift as thunder
He carries me away from all my fears
And when the world threatens to fall asunder
His mane is there to wipe my tears.” -Bonnie Lewis
i love this one from the same cookbook….
“Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth. Hold on to what you believe even if it is just a tree which stands by itself. Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here. Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go. Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.” -Nancy Wood, “Hold on to What is Good. ”