Autumn..when everything is falling

imageSomebody told me once that horses are just really like big dogs…really I thought.  I was remembering the other day with my friend Sharon, an encounter that I had experienced with a horse.  My daughter and I had headed down to visit with the horses at the end of our road, and we had brought carrots along for a treat for them.  It had been a coolish, and damp day, so when we attempted to cross over the small wooden bridge to give the horses their treats, I decided we had better stay on the grassy side out of the mud.  Problem…how was I going to get the carrots to the horses from way over here.  Wait …I thought..I’ll just toss the carrot, then the horse will smell it, then see it, then eat it.  It made sense to me.  So I gently tossed the carrot to the closest horse.  Then…..the rather unexpected happened.  Yup..I nailed it smack on the butt.  Yikes..you would have thought that this creature was shot with an arrow, because it took off at breakneck speed, and ran far away to the end of the meadow.  I busted up laughing so hard, then turned to my daughter who was doing the silent laugh because it was so hilarious.  Oh my…this just makes  me smile to think of it.  So in fact..horses are not like dogs because if this was the case, then I think this horse would have caught this prime carrot in its teeth, wagged it’s tail, and sat down and given me a hoof.   Just a little lesson I’m giving away for free today.    imageThe feeling of fallen, crisp leaves on your bare feet is one of the best sensations around  to me.  Some of the leaves are dewy and cool, while some are sun warmed and crispy.  You never know which kind you are gonna get, and then there’s also the surprise of the smooth grass beneath which makes for such a soft blanket.  The musty smell of the ground, and the gentle breeze blowing your hair is such simple delight.  I must be careful for the haphazard piles of doggie doo, not good to step in while in bare feet by the way.  If this happens, then it is entirely possible that your frolic in the leaves will come to an abrupt halt, and if you are not careful some unpleasant and foul exclamations may proceed from your mouth.  It’s such a glorious time of year, with the wonderful turning of the leaves, pumpkins, pumpkin pies, really all things spicy fill your nose with the promise of tasty morsels.  I put on my crock pot yesterday, and felt like a magician when savory smells of BBQ chicken filled the house.  It’s so sinfully easy, and always such a crowd pleaser.  For some reason I only want to use the crock pot in fall and winter…weird….and I don’t really know why.  I’ve been spending a great deal of time remembering.  I’m reminiscing about my life experiences.  Yes the good, the bad and the ugly.  When I began this writing it became an outlet for my soul to purge it’s thoughts, my feelings.   There is much that I feel that I dare not say..it might scare you.  Feelings are prone to vascilate, they do not remain the same much as we want them to.  When someone leaves your life through death it’s just such a strange phenomenon to you.  Your brain cannot rectify where this person has gone.  Are they in the other room, are they on a trip?…how can they just be here one minute, and gone the next.  It’s unfathomable to say the least.  You look for them everywhere, and you expect to find them around every turn.  When you go and sit on their grave you simply cannot reconcile that you buried their body under the earth.  I loved her little body.  She was sweet, and so perfect, except for in every way that she wasn’t.  But just looking at her fragile, yet strong form always filled me with wonder.  I’ve heard some say that losing a child is unimaginable, and I guess it is.  You cannot prepare for this…you can only remember the times you shared.

 

We went to the south of Florida years back, courtesy of “the make a wish foundation.”  Our objective was to take our daughter and two boys to experience the wonder of swimming with dolphins.  The program was called “Island Dolphin Care,” in Key West.  What an experience it was.  We all loved it.  It rained cats and dogs for the almost entire week we were there.  The parking lot was almost knee deep with water, and when we would emerge from our hotel to jump into our car, we were completely soaked through within minutes.   At the park, the warm ocean water felt gorgeous on our skin.  The Dolphins would look up at us wondering who these fresh humans were.  They are so smart, you can just tell the way they look at you.  We all had a chance to touch them, and to be in the water with them.  They pulled us about while we hung onto their fins.  It was a memorable experience. The kids just thought it was the best, and the staff there were so kind and enthusiastic.  It was Bianca’s 4th birthday there, and they surprised her with a cake, and a huge seahorse balloon. They also made us a memory board filled with photos of our fun filled week spent there.  Such a precious memory, and in my next life I’m definitely going to be a dolphin….imageThey always look like they are smiling…as do puffer fish.. They must know a really good and happy secret…secrets of the deep maybe.  I’m always astounded to learn of creatures found deep in the sea where there is  no natural light.  It seems incredible that many of these sea animals are actually blind because they have no need of sight since they exist primarily in the dark.  So curious that they just swim about in the pitch black not worrying about bumping into things or being eaten.  I’m sure they must have adapted other defenses to keep them away from predators.  I wonder what this looks like?  Somehow, they know innately to trust their environment.  They have no idea what’s possibly right in front of them, and yet they “just keep swimming..just keep swimming,” as Dorie would say.  How I yearn to have “blind faith..trust ” like this.   Especially to not have fear of the dark ahead, the unknown…Where will it take me, will I be harmed?  I don’t know..I can’t know, and so I trust.  It’s not as if this is a monumental decision on my part, I just have no idea what else to do.  It doesn’t feel courageous…it’s just taking the next breath, not giving up in that second.  Hopefully in the next breath, next second, I will find the will to step into the unknown..the dark again, and acknowledge that I could fall, in fact I most probably will.  Do I really trust that someone will be there to catch me?… Will He catch me?  The He, I’m taking about is my Savior, Jesus Christ.  Can he be trusted even when I’m totally and completely in the dark?  I admit..I waver..I’m fearful…something worse can always happen after all.. When people say “well at least you’ve seen the worst of it…” Really..seriously..who says this?  How could they possibly know, how could any of us really?  We decide to go forward even when things overwhelmingly urge a person to throw in the towel…because..”things can always get worse,” or as Eeyore would say..”it’s a nice day, but it will probably rain.”  I just love that donkey…  speaking of donkeys, I must interject a story of a donkey that my friend reminded me of yesterday.  The story could be called Balaam’s Donkey.  This story is  found in the book of Numbers.  I apologize ahead of time but the best talking donkey has to be Eddie Murphy performing “donkey” in the Child’s cartoon story Shrek.  This donkey just cracks me up.  I love that this donkey I’m speaking of in the bible story saw the angel of the Lord holding a sword, but Balaam saw nothing.  He just thought his donkey was acting up, or acting strange, so he yelled at the donkey and beat him…you could deduce that he was fearful. I just picture this donkey talking back to his master in a Balaam voice, tinged with an Eddie Murphy lilt.  Who knew I could find such humor in this story.  I don’t necessarily think this story was meant to be humorous, but it’s the skewed way I appear to be seeing things lately….please excuse…I may or may not be in my right mind.  I had to post this photo again because I love it.  Thus guy has attitude, and he is not afraid to shine his hope..his light.  He may be very afraid of the dark, but he us still going in…he will participate..he is not about to sit on the sidelines, unnoticed, afraid…he is courageous, and he will wear his slogan on his back, and I see this and once again I have hope..how dare I think of giving up…?  This is not allowed…because if He ain’t giving up, then neither am I…..and so it goes….preach it man I do not know who wheels boldly ahead in your wheelchair…for you indeed are my hero.

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