Jilly Brandon

  The pilot announced from the cockpit..”fasten your seat belts ladies and gentlemen..we are expecting turbulence!”  These are never words that one finds comforting to hear, in fact the exact opposite occurs when the word turbulence is heard.  It brings fear, anticipation, and a “hang on for dear life” type of mentality.  As those words rung out last evening over the airways, I was reminded of the fact that often we don’t hear these announcements before our life is just about to take a massive nosedive, or some cataclysm life changing event is about to occur to rock our world.  We are very often fabergasted, caught completely off guard when “turbulence” comes our way.  Now, I know that what the pilot is expecting to happen, and what I think will happen are probably two very varied things.  My perspective is from that of the passenger, and his ( or hers…just to be an equal opportunity, politically correct gal,) is if that of the pilot…the one in control…so vastly different.  He’s thinking easy peasy, and Im thinking …”oh crap..here we go,”( all the while assuming the crash and tucked up in a ball position..and praying like a madwoman that we don’t plummet towards the earthy mentality,) really quite different.  I mean let’s face it..if we pictured our pilot acting like that..none of us would fly..or probably drive…take the bus….even walk, but now I’m getting ridiculous…

As I peered out my window, and from way up high the sky is always so brilliantly blue, the fluffy impossibly soft looking clouds beneath…and everything appears quite beautiful and calm, I wished that my perspective could always be like this….while up in the plane.  It is so serene….one thinks that anything is possible, and I long to just step out and lay amongst the white billowy clouds.  Yes…I understand that I would fall through, but don’t they look so inviting…?  My thoughts can’t help but wonder how our creator sees us?  From up on high do things look hopeful and optimistic, or does he shake his head that we keep hoping for the impossible to happen…a rest in the clouds..?.I know he is forgiving of my fallible thoughts, and certainly my thoughts are not his thoughts…but still I wonder…Does he cheer with the heavenly angels when He sees our colorful gardens, our ability to create such beauty on this earth, and smile..because we get it…that creating and enjoying some of the splendor that is within  our world is just so satisfying..Does He look and say..”this is good?”  I sure hope so…

As we were coming in for a landing last evening the view was spectacular.  There were some slightly darkened clouds, but the bright sunlight was sending shafts of impossible brightness down to illuminate the lovely patchwork fields of grain below. The mighty Rockies were the backdrop sending their peaks proudly into the sky…it was breathtaking.  I was sharing this thought with a friend just this morning, and it struck me that these bright beams brought to mind answered and acknowledged prayers being sent back down to the earth below from God.  It was a powerful vision, and it filled me with renewed hope and wonder.  I want to believe that all of my prayers are heard, but I doubt…I ponder…and I yell and demand at times..that they be answered sooner, and in  a way that I see fitting.   Sometimes my prayers feel unanswered, and I struggle to believe…to ask how long must the suffering go on?..Does He hear..does He care?… There is silence, and it can be debilitating..I fall on my face..I cry..I bawl….and at the end of my outcry, I often am left with only a headache and red and bloodshot eyes…and I feel tired…Time to just sit for a spell…and just be…enjoy a wonderful cafe au lait…..I struggle with doing that, but how can I hear if I won’t be quiet, if I don’t look around, and perhaps have my perspective changed?  Just breathe I am reminded…just breathe…

Returning from my recent trip to France..life hits me smack in the face as I enter my daughters’ room.  She has become ill while I have been away…this hurts…I was powerless to comfort her from afar, and all I could do was pray, and yearn for her to become well again.  I was confident that she was being lovingly cared for by her caregiver, Cindy, and of course my husband was desperate to ease her suffering, and to determine what was ailing her.  He felt powerless and sad, and frustrated. He loves her so…the affection between them is genuine and pure…it warms my heart completely to witness it….an amazing gift.  My sons were lovingly concerned and so helpful…this is family at its best I think, caring for each other and bearing our burdens…but at times these dynamics in our family overflow onto the question of..how long, and what if, and so many other questions…that seem to have no plausible answer.  All we can really be left with is this moment…this slice of time, and to not waste it…to acknowledge that we need one another..to care for, to laugh and to live with…I am grateful…for family, and for  the love and devotion that we feel for one another..this is good..this is right and true…these other wonderfully complex people make up our unit…we are together…for such a time as this.

These are the sweet desserts of life…those precious people who grace your dinner table, whose laundry you do….dishes often too…but would I, could I have it any other way?   I think not…if I had to do it over would I choose these complicated individuals that I love to do life with?…I am met..without wavering..a resounding..YES…the path we are on is uncertain, it has been filled with much discouragement and sorrow at times..but also with the wonder of it all…let me not take these precious people in my life for granted…let them please know how very much I care, and that I would gladly do again, what I have already done and then some. Many mistakes that I have made, and some of which I am not proud…but I will keep trying..to get it right…to overcoming my many shortcomings…Because this is the good stuff…this “beautiful mess” of this life is all that we know.  Why yearn for another life?  We know inherently that “the grass is always greener,” is a load of bull…so why do we, or I, think that way?  There is such significant beauty in the everyday things of life.  When I entered this quaint little grocery shop in Paris, I was amazed at this colorful display of the earths’ art that greeted me.  People can take such care, and do so much with just the simple, and limited things that they have.   This shop was very tiny, but come on!…. Isn’t this profusion of fruit and delicasies simply gorgeous….I love this…this is Hope..this is perspective…doing something inspiring with what you have been given… Seeing the gift of others..other nationalities, different languages, and observing and learning, broadening our minds, and opening our hearts to life that is bigger, to love better, and to always have room to open our lives to others, make room at our tables, and in our homes for somebody new.

New relationships, and renewed ones…unexpected, but so glorious to behold.  I’m learning again and again that forgiveness, and renewed perspective go hand in hand…they are such a relief… Who needs a huge castle…beautiful flower gardens, and multiple servants….I feel rich I people…in relationships, and I feel content.  This is so good..and so satisfying.  Life has yet again, opened another door that I did not know I had closed….how incredibly awesome is that..?.Perspective..”a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.”  “It is useful occasionally to look at the past to gain a perspective on the present.”  My perspective is changing..evolving,, being corrected if you will, and I am learning that my horizon line grows brighter and is filled with a renewed hope…