Jilly Brandon

As I sit down this morning at my pine rough hewn breakfast table, I’m struck with the exquisite glory of morning sunshine, which turns the fresh sunflowers In the red glass vase in front of me, the most delicious hue of smoky golden yellow.  It is just breathtaking to me.. A dear friend lovingly brought them over to me knowing they are one of my favorites..so thoughtful of her..so kind.   I have hope..I have joy, and just this morning my girl smiled…I have not seen that smile in a few days, and oh how Ive missed it…I’m so delighted, and my heart is full of gratitude for this moment…it’s a morning hope…a way to start fresh, anew…where anything is possible…oh how I love this time of day.  My side window is open, and the cool, dewy air blows gently in..and I take a breath..refreshed…. …and just thankful for a brand new day bursting with possibilities….I believe it’s the first or second day of fall, but it feels glorious….and I sit with wonder in my heart over the past few days..I can feel the prayers…it is overwhelming to me, and simply beyond words…

Life is full of uncertainty..of that we can be certain…ha…I know.. I couldn’t resist saying it like this. I feel so aware of this emotion, and if I don’t catch myself, I can spin downwards into a chasm of worry and fear.  Our days sometimes seem to start out one way, and we feel sure that it’s gonna be a great day, I’m going to have a good attitude, and then the unexpected occurrences creep in, and before we know it, the day, the unique moment in time is filled with tension, and all of our good intentions have flown bye bye right out of the window.

Trying to be aware, and be prepared for what comes is a tricky business I find.  I want to just trust in the unknown, just let go, and jump in with abandon and complete joy, but there is that little voice that says..”whoa..be careful, and the big…what if the worse happens?”  We know with full assurance that this is no way to live…and yet we grapple with uncertainty.  We love to let go, let the wind blow in our hair carrying our troubles away..but we resist.   I wish to be like the dog you see in the car, with the window down, face to the breeze, tongue wagging in the wind, ears flying crazily all over the place…lips sometimes flapping…(I love the lips flapping,) and they couldn’t be happier.  Whenever I see this I can’t help but smile…oh to live this life of abandon…just enjoying the moment, hanging with their owner and getting to go for a car ride…oh the sweetness…

I love the wind in my hair, smelling the sweet breeze, the scent of the wheat fields filling my nostrils, the warm sun on my face…it really is the simple things in life that make you smile, bringing contentment to your soul.  I’m trying to pledge today that I will not get caught up with worry, not wonder about the unknown, and what ifs..and be like the doggie..face to the wind…occasionally getting a bug stuck in my teeth, but then thinking..”hey, this is just a protein snack….and what do you know..I was kinda hungry,” kind of attitude.  It’s good to be a dog!

I have another story brewing in my mind, and it makes me smile when I think of it.  It was a time when our family had spent some glorious time up at the family cottage on the lake,  at Lake Joseph, in Northern Ontario.  It was a blissful time of swimming, waterskiing, tubing, and many bbq meals, oh the scent of chargrilled burgers still lingers, and moistens my taste buds.  There had been the intense games of scrabble between Grandma and kids, and the equally , ” I’ve got all the good properties,” game of monopoly….and “I’m king of the world” show downs.  Such wonderful and sweet memories.

My brother had a beautiful convertible, and he offered to let me drive it back down to the city.  Well you don’t need to ask me twice about taking a sweet little sports car for a spin…( bucket list confession…I love driving convertibles, and would love to drive a formula 1 car.). We decide to strap Bianca’s car seat into the passenger side,( since she doesn’t yet have a license,) and this  is quite a few years ago, so she was much more compact then.  Words cannot describe the look upon her face and the utter sheer abandon on her face, as we raced along the highway, wind blowing our hair wildly..oh man..it was simply exhilarating beyond belief.  When we would stop in traffic, I would look over at her, and her cheeks were shining, her eyes gleaming, oh the complete joy of the moment.  She would especially crack up when we stopped beside a huge semi truck that was snorting away with the loudness of a Diesel engine.  She would slowly look over at the truck, and trust me, her and I could have driven right under the center of the truck without a problem…And she would completely crack up…and oh did this ever make me happy..what a moment…so epic..perfect to me…I treasure this…what an opportunity.  Wind in your hair..gotta get me some of that today, and yes my hair gets knotted, and is a giant pain to brush out, but if I am going to be concerned about the many snags in my hair, then I may as well never jump in for the ride.  This is such a good reminder to me about life…There are so many snags, knots, bumps and bruises in our path.  It’s so easy to be concerned about what happens after, that often we don’t go for the ride, we decide to play it safe, and keep our calm and freshly blown dried hair safely tucked under a hat…but where’s the fun in that?  There isn’t any wild abandon in that is there?

A dear friend of mine gave me this cartoon years ago, and it was profound to me, and really helped me to keep things in perspective.  I love pictures, photos, renderings..you name it, so this visual is just a great reminder to me…to not get lost in the “whys” of this life but the “why nots?”   Some things in your path seem extraordinary, too big, and too hard..and let’s face it, they are.  It makes me want to crawl back in my bed..not wanting to face the obstacles, and the giants ahead of me…but what then?  If not this one thing to be faced, well there will always be another..possibly bigger and even more intimidating…I can’t just hide..that feels worse…so I grab my ” Miss. Vickies malt salt and vinegar chips…and a glass or two of chard..,” and I venture out onto my porch, and find the hammock..ease myself on…(the thing can be tippy,) lay back and enjoy the blue sky, and the lovely green leaves of the Aspen tree above, and I feel the breeze on my face..and I breathe in deep….because ” I don’t know about the future..but I know who holds my hand.”