Whew….where to begin…well I suppose I’m starting at year 17. It may seem strange to embark on this writing odyssey now, however one might say that Im just now catching my breath, and taking a look around. Why 17, you say????…well my daughter turned that age in June, and not for the first time I marveled that she was still with us. My inner thoughts have been a conundrum of emotions for what seems like forever, and I feel a strange inner calm as I begin to really think about this journey that has been my life.
My daughter is severely disabled, and completly and utterly dependent upon me, and her father, and brothers, and caregivers for her every need. It has been a revelation to me about how utter dependence on another human being is such a “bittersweet symphony.” It is a humbling and ominous responsibility that I have in being her Mother. I really can say that I beleive we were chosen for one another. I have such utter love for her, mixed with such complete awe for the life that she is living. To just say that she has to endure so much is really just scratching the surface. To look at her from a strangers’ point of view, one might feel pity, curiousity, kindness….disgust even, but to me…she is amazing…..the stamina and perserverence of her life is a testimony to the power of the human spirit to fight on..to live..no matter how intensely difficult a life situation may be. To say that I’m a proud Mamma is a gross understatement.
I hope to convey my life experiences in caring for my daughter, and two sons, 1 husband and 2 beagles, the type of life I have encountered, and how profoundly different it has been then I ever had imagined. I suppose many can say that life has led them on many “twists and turns,” but to me, hearing about peoples’ struggles and triumphs, and sharing intimately in others lives is quintisential to my existence….their stories fill me with inspiration and hope, and I need these two emotions as desperately as I need my next breath. To quote my son Logan in part,” you are the air in my lungs…”
I am collecting my churning thoughts so I can pen them in some kind of order…good luck with that because I’m very easily distracted by pretty things, and my mind wanders chaotically from one topic to another….it’s the way I was made……perhaps this writing can be a therapy of sorts, a way to “clean house” in my ever scrambled brain. I need to breathe, to sit for a spell and tell my story…